Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize