I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize