Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize