dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
