Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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