I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I queefed so loud it echoed.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
