Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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