Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
