Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
