kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
