The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
