it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
