Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
