he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
