I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
