i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
