i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
