Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
