I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize