i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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