About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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