Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
