if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
