I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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