So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You have to summon your inner elephant
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
All the doctor said was why
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
