Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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