my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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