i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
