I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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