i need an iv and a liver transplant
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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