Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize