At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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