Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
