Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
