I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
