Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
