That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
