Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
