"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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