I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
