Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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