Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I think i peed on brittanys purse
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
