No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
