he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
