I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
