It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize