sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
