Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
