man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just found puke in my bra..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
