I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize