I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
