It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
