before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
