He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
