Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
