i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
