Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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