Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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