is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
