I wish my penis had an off switch
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize