just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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