how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
