I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
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