Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
