Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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