i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
