Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
