Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
