Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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