Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize