Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
