I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
