How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
