I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
