Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
