I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
