I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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