Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex on a dog bed..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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