If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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