just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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