Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
