hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize