My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
