I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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