My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize