Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
