Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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