no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
they need to just BURY HIM!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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