eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
