Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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