i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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