You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
