maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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