non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
