if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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