Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
