Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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