I just saw a hot homeless man
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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