I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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