im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
