i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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