I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
