I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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