she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
