her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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