i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
