Soap is not a condiment
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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