I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
