So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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