I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
